if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
