There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
