Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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