"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
