i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
