How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
