I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
