I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
