I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
