If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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