I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
