For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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