apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
