so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
