I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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