He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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