i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want to make out with him forever
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
