What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
