he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
