She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
