i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He? As in you personified your dick?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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