Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
