ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
