definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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