The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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