my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
