Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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