After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
