Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
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We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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