I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
