Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
