Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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