it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
