i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize