just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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