Who wears a wallet chain?!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
