Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Two words: nipple clamps
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