possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
