id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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