Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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