I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
