Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
