Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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