Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
