I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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