Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
