Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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