So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
