I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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