In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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