The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
