oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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