Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
