SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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