dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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