It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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