I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
