and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
