I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
