Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and she was petting her beer can
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
