first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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