His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize